Tragedy.

No to be too melodramatic, but it really is a tragedy.

I think we've lost the measuring stick that I transferred all of the growth measurements from the door jam in Cary on to.  I thought about it last night because I want to measure Kira on it since she's walking.  To show her one day how tiny she was when she started walking.  And I realized that I don't remember seeing it here at this house.

So you can imagine how well I slept.  We looked all over this morning and can't find it.  Mike thinks he remembers putting it in the Budget truck.  He thinks he put it between the wall of the truck and the wood slats that run along the wall.  Maybe it fell down to the floor and is still in the truck.

So we called Budget.  The truck is being rented by a commercial renter and has been out since July 19th.  They don't know when it will come back and said they couldn't contact the people.  Maybe we'll call the place where we turned the truck in to to make sure they didn't take out the stick (which, if it's where Mike thinks, is probably hard to see, so maybe it's still there).

We're waiting now.

I'm going down to Austin on Sunday maybe to pick Zach up, so maybe I'll knock on the door of the people who are living there now and ask if I can look in the garage.  Maybe it's there and not on the Budget truck.

But maybe we'll never see it again.  I had a good cry this morning at that thought.  I cried and cried over leaving that door jam in our house in Cary.  But the stick consoled me.  I was okay because I could bring that record of my little boys with me.  And now that I'm ready to start adding my little girl, it's gone.

So think lots of positive, miracle producing thoughts that my stick will return to me.  I hate the idea of going the rest of my life without being able to just stop and look at how big (or little) my boys were.

A Fine Group of People

A few weeks ago we had Mike's sister from Florida and her family visiting.  Mike's brother and his family came over several times (they live about 15 minutes away).  Mike snapped this picture of several of us hanging out in the living room.

Life is Tough

You know. I go through day by day trying to be productive. Get housework done. Make dinner. Take care of Kira. Hug a passing Cole. Listen attentively to an unexpected story from Reid. Hope I even see Jacob for a few minutes. And help Zach know that I love him and that he's okay.

Those things can be tough to do each day. I go back and forth between feeling like I can conquer the world and feeling like I need to just run away. Today I've been feeling like I just need to be better. Like I should be able to love more, do more. Days like today are hard. Guilt takes over and I'm under it's grip.

Hopefully a passing hug from Cole, or a conversation with Reid, or watching my little baby toddle across the floor will help snap me out of it.

I want nothing more than to appreciate the kids and the life I have. I hate days like today that make me feel like I don't. Because I do.

Whew

Well, the thrush seems to be under control. Thank goodness!

We have about three more days of the medicine just to make sure we knock it out and keep it gone. We are both happier people and are getting better sleep.

In other Whew-ness, Mike and I got our mixer installed in the island on Saturday. We put in a butcher block countertop and installed it in that. We have to oil it every couple of days for about two months to season it. With just two coats of oil, the wood is darkening and is showing off it's pretty grain. I'm excited to see what it will look like after it's good and seasoned. After that, they say you only need to oil it about 3 to 5 times per year. And having the mixer installed is a big step in the "I'm home" feeling. It's nice to have that aspect of our lives back to normal.

*Bleeping* Thrush!

Okay. Thrush is no longer a nuisance, it's a freaking horror story.

I took Kira to the doctor last Thursday and since the case was mild, we opted to try to treat it with home remedies and probiotics. Well, by Sunday morning, I knew that wasn't working any more.

So I called the doctor first thing Monday morning to ask her to send in a prescription for diflucan for Kira. Then I had to find myself a doctor who would write me a prescription for diflucan that day. After a way long day, I finally got the prescription and we both took our first doses last night.

But until it starts to actually work, I'm in a ton of pain. Man oh man. It just about kills me when she nurses and it hurts all the time in between, too. Ugh.

I'm at least thankful that I could get the prescription and that we're hopefully on the road to recovery. Her mouth already looks better. Hopefully my 'what nots' will follow shortly.

Thrush

Kira has thrush.

With as much probiotics as I have in the house, I have no idea how we've gotten this.

I don't think it's very severe right now, but she has some white patches on her inside cheeks and on her tongue. She's been refusing to eat and has been very, very cranky.

I started giving her extra acidophilus powder in her food and just mixed with water. Hopefully that's helping.

I take her to the doctor tomorrow morning. The doctor may give us some nystatin. Yuck. I'll feel bad for Kira if we have to use that stuff.

I'll wash all my shirts and hang them out to dry in the sun to help disinfect them. Supposedly a little topless sunbathing helps with nursing moms, too. This private backyard might come in handy if I get brave enough.

Her crankiness is making it so I haven't gotten anything done for the past day or two. She screams bloody murder if you even think about walking away from her. So the house is a mess and I'm exhausted, but such is life, right? She's still cute and is the apple of my eye. (Okay, one of five apples.) And I adore her. I just hope she can feel better soon.

For both of our sakes.

Two weeks

We've been officially in the house now for two weeks. Progress has been made, but it's slow going. There just seems to be very little time for unpacking and setting up the house.

And I'm tired.

We've had Mike's sister, Sara, and her family here for a week. That has been really, really nice. They've visited us each year for three years. We adore them and hope that visits continue to happen.

And my dad and I have started walking around Towne Lake several mornings a week. That's been really great. I think our 3.6 mile walk yesterday kind of did me in. :) I'm a bit sore this morning. But it's great to get out and get some exercise and be able to talk and hang out with my dad at the same time. Very nice.

Also, he, Darlene, and my sister, Kim, stopped in for dinner on Friday night. It was nice to be able to have them just come over quickly and not have to feel like we all had to interrupt our schedules to make it happen. Because we just live here now. Pretty cool.